Summer is moving a little too quickly for me. The realization hit when we were packing up at the end of all too short camping trip recently. I was thinking about how precious the summer months are and how soon fall arrives when you're so sure you'll have time to do all the great stuff you planned while the weather kept you confined indoors and summer was so far away. Man, I'm such a sap-- and really into run-on sentences.

The thing is that there is no time like right now to get up, get out, and go do the things I want and/or need to do. Just freakin' do it. Turn off whatever soul-robbing contraption that has my buttocks mated with my chair and... -click-

And... I'm... Back!

That was awesome! Completely furious workout at the gym this morning. I did a number of different weight routines that reminded me of muscles that hadn't been out to play for a while. I followed that with a run/walk/climb session at the high school stadium. I only ran the circuit three times but hey, I was feeling it. If I were a masochist I'd have been in a steaming lather by the time it was over. I'm not but I was- er... not a masochist but was still in a lather, I mean. Ew, that's starting to sound a little weird. Geez, I'm constantly putting my foot in my mouth. No, not literally. Focus, Steve!

Why the frenetic burst of activity this morning? It seems I have a lot more weight to lose. Thank you scale! Wait, I mean thank you Poppycock! No, that's not quite right either. What I really mean to say is, "Thanks to you, Steve."

"Salty carbs don't bloat people; people consuming mass quantities of salty carbs bloat people."

So this morning I was all about sweating out the Sodium and working off the carbs- and it felt really good. Thank you scale. Thank you indeed.

The thing is, salty-carb-induced-bloat and the waning summer aren't the only reasons for the change-up in activity this morning. It seems like I've hit some sort of wall in my weight loss efforts. So I'm taking some advice from a reliable source in regard to my weight lifting efforts and switching things up a little. More on that later.

I spent my workout pumping iron in the midst of a mental spank-fest. The scale, you see, is my friend. Not the kind of sycophantic friend that tells me look great even when I have a booger on my chin and spinach in my teeth but the kind of friend that smacks me upside the head when I mix prints with plaid and flat out tells me, "No, it's not the jeans that makes your ass look fat- it's your ass."

This morning my friend the scale reminded me that slacking-off doesn't shed pounds and brownies aren't health food. I'm grateful for the scale no matter how grim the news- it's an early warning device, letting me know what's happening before something a little less friendly chides in... the mirror.

#29 - Weigh In Regularly

Not necessarily every day but often enough to change course if what I'm doing isn't working.

#30 - I Ask Again, "Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?"

No, eating too many brownies makes my ass look fat. True-dat! Note to Steve: "Cut back on the brownies."

#31 - Fast Food? Fuhgeddaboudit!

We Americans have the best fast food in the world- and that ain't just my patriotism showing. Empires and an obesity epidemic have been built on it and testify to its' world supremacy. Salute foreigners, we rock! Now I'm not saying that fast food barons of capitalism are to blame for making my ass measurable in axe handles (we all know that fast food doesn't make people fat; eating too much fast food makes people fat), what I'm saying is that for me, I'm better off staying away from it entirely.

#32 - Speed Kills Weight Loss

We all know that fast food is generally jammed full of fat, carbs, and Sodium. Wolfing it down like some kind of Velociraptor adds insult to the dietary injury. Eating slowly lets the body convince the brain that it's being fed. The result- I feel full even though I've eaten less. Who knows, it could have saved the dinosaurs.

#33 - Reducing Intake Is More Effective Than Increasing Activity In The Short Term

OK, decision time. I'm at the order counter of my favorite fast food place deciding whether or not to spring for the 59-cent super-size upgrade. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?

Walk away! There's no way I going to do enough reps at the gym to balance out the equation. It's exponentially easier to exercise freedom of choice and avoid a 1,000 calorie mistake than try to work it off in the gym.

It's biochemistry, physics, neuroscience, genetics, and a whole host of bio-science sub-specialities mixed with equal parts voodoo-logic.

Now if I were a thinking man (a little late for me to start now) I might be tempted to lock myself up in a lab somewhere and analyze the bejeebus out of what EXACTLY is the mechanism for weight loss. Instead (and I'll borrow this from a bygone ad for the PacBell Yellow Pages) I let my fingers do the walking and other, more intelligent folks do the heavy thinking and clickity-clack my way through the internet to find out just what I need to know to shed the extra pounds from my aging carcass.

Say what?

#34 - Find Out What Others Are Doing

The blogosphere is a most excellent place to witness what's working and what isn't for people fighting similar battles. I'll be reviewing a few as the days wear on to examine just what can be gleaned.

Please let me know if there is a site out there that you think is a good source for weight loss info- I'd love to take a look at it. I'll start posting links as soon as I get the bugs worked out of my template.

Hang on tight, we're going to move a little fast. First, I'll talk about today's smoothie:

"Bleh."

That's about all I want to say about it. For those who are interested in the ingredients, here you go:

1S EAS Premium Protein
1S Ground Flax
1/3C Frozen Apricot Slices
Water

I suppose I was expecting a little more flavor. Suffice it to say that mild disappointment doesn't taste all that great. It was a rather bland 234 calories.

Moving on...

Those predisposed to math may have noticed that I am up a pound since my last weigh-in. It turns out I have more than math to blame and no, I'm not talking about the scale. it's the message, not the messenger.

So how do I account for the increase? Self-Sabotage. I'd been doing so well for so long that I became lax and the radical side of my personality just could stand no more and lashed out in the form of Almond Clusters and Biscotti. That's right, a snack attack- the type of dietary terrorism that, with stealth and cunning, demoralizes the dieter and squelches determination. How? These types of things go down so easily, so quickly- before you know it the bag is empty and guilt begins to build. And the guilt, unless converted to determination, edges the dieter closer to the edge of that familiar slippery slope that leads to weight gain.

Simile and metaphor really aren't my thing; I toss them around like a game of fetch where the dog runs and gets the ball but drops it about twenty feet away and barks at you like you're supposed to know what to do next- only you don't because it's a dog for crying out loud and second-guessing a dog is like dodging poo when you have your back turned to the monkey cage at the zoo.

Wait. It's really not like that at all and losing weight has nothing to do with terrorism; it's all about making the right choices when it comes to nutrition and exercise- choices that must be repeated at every opportunity because if you don't your scale is going to deliver some bad news.

The good news is that you DO have a choice, perhaps several choices a day that can get you closer to your goals. Making each little choice correctly (no thank you, I'll pass on the Biscotti) gets you closer to your goals- especially when you finally realize that weight gain is the cumulative effect of these little choices. Forget that and well, the terrorists have already won.

Well it was close enough to call it- I've gained a pound since Friday. I've scratched my head to the bone and the bone to the brain and here's what I've come up with:

1) It's accumulated rainwater from the run over to the gym
2) Someone tampered with the scale
3) Pockets full of wishes and dreams
4) Damp belly button lint
5) Additional pantry reps developed an extra pound of table muscle
6) Weight of responsibility
7) I haven't unpacked the bags under my eyes
8) Let's just say, “I need a haircut all over”

Here's the real deal. I was completely off schedule this weekend and that threw off my eating. Instead of eating my usual 6 small meals, I averaged just two or three larger, less nutritionally balanced meals since Friday. So what amounted to a weekend of binging paid off (in a bad way) at the scale this morning.

I've climbed back on the meal wagon this morning, did some extra stuff at the gym, and am refocused. I don't believe that extra pound is going to stick around for very long.