Strange times, indeed. Have a great weekend!

Today's muse:

The gym experience bordered on aggravating this morning. The exernazi had her class packed into the tiny weight-room and kitten-herded them through the stations pachinko-style. It was a weird-assed frenzy of getting in one another's way until I relented and walked out. I did get thirty minutes in at my core exercises and no one got hurt- so it's all good. I guess I was becoming a little spoiled by the solitude I've enjoyed at the gym for so long. Here's my "relevant" tip:

#23 - Be My Own Coach/Trainer

A hired professional trainer will stay for as long as I'm willing to pay them; my carcass is around for a mortal eternity. Paying some pro to kick my carcass around forever just isn't appealing.

#24 - Motivation Is An Internal Organ

Inspiration can come from anywhere but lasting motivation comes from within. The cool thing is that the "motivation organ" can be conditioned to function in the absence of inspiration.

#25 - Why Ask Why?

When I first started this journey almost a year ago, I considered myself child-like in knowledge and ability. I really didn't know how I was going to "fix" myself, I only knew that I had to do something. I had plenty of reasons why I had to make a change and that was enough to get me off my can and do something. Now that I'm a toddler (knowledge-wise) and have some positive experience behind me I realize that the reasons why I do what I do are a heck of a lot more powerful than the way I am doing what I'm doing. Also, when I first started out, a lot of what I did to drop weight I really didn't fully understand and had to just do it because my resources said it was the right thing to do.

I now understand a little more about what works for me and what doesn't. You might say that I've matured a little, or you might say I'm full of crap. Either way, I very close to my goal both in time and achievement and am looking forward to maturing into a know-it-all teenager.

I working my way through a new design. I appreciate your kindness, patience, and support. Oh yeah, and I'm down a pound!

I had a modest workout this morning but I could have skipped it altogether. People say I'm very organized; each thing in it's place, life lived according to a schedule and so on. It's mostly true. I love being organized and most of my life runs according to a pre-planned schedule. It works for me, most of the time.

Once in a great while my schedule goes a little whack. That was the case this morning and I found myself running late. I am never late. I'm either exactly on time (the time I've planned) or I reschedule for a later date. Period. I do that with most everything. Hello, anxiety!

I was right at that point this morning at which I would have to forego my trip to the gym simply because I wouldn't be able to make it back in time to conform with the rest of my schedule- there just wasn't time to run there, do a decent workout, and run back. Long story made just a tad short, I rode my bike to the gym rather than ran, got my workout done and made it back in plenty of time. The train is on the track and blissfully chugging along on schedule.

OK. So here's another tip:

#47 - Own It (aka Take Responsibility)

People tell me all kinds of reasons for why they're overweight and can't do anything about it- like it's completely out of their control. It's never their fault, diets are a scam, and the Trans-Fat Cartels are in league with the Tri-Lateral Fast Food Conglomerate Conspiracy to enslave us all by super-sizing our Happy Meals. Hell, most don't even realize how overweight they are and continue to self-delude by labeling themselves "big-boned" or "fluffy".

The thing is, and I'm talking about myself here, I'm fat. My bones may be big but that is only to compensate for the load I've pack on my frame. I decided to take responsibility; to OWN my condition. What I see in the mirror and the numbers that whiz by on the scale are the direct result of my actions and inactions. I own my condition- I alone am responsible for for what I am. I alone am responsible for bettering myself. Blaming someone else, or leaving my repair up to someone else is failure.

So, the tip here is to get excited- get determined. Know that what ever happens is ENTIRELY up to me and I'm going to kick ass to get the results I want--- every way, every day.

My wife and I were invited to lunch by some friends the other day. This is a rare event for me- not so much due to a lack of lunch opportunities but my own neurotic fear of eating at restaurants. Perhaps my trepidation comes from watching too many (ugh!) "Dirty Dining" segments on the local news, or maybe it's the fear of a super-sized, gut-busting carb-fest-- I dunno but I do know that eating out just isn't one of my favorite things. Still, I like these particular friends and they did offer to buy- so off we went.

These friends are great people; they're upbeat, motivated, and energetic. They have a great family and do things I like to do and things I'd like to do but haven't discovered yet. They're a great source of ideas and motivation and I'm better off for knowing them. They're also the people who provided the initial inspiration that got me off my ass and working toward living a healthier life. They've done it themselves.

It's important to surround yourself with people who inspire you- people who motivate you by their example. It's impossible to overstate the impact that can have on your life.

I fret over my kids and their friends- a lot. It's so easy to tell when they've been hanging around with one group as opposed to another- simply because attitude and behavior are contagious. As parents we stress the importance of having good friends who are doing things our kids can be proud of and cause us the least amount of worry.

Back to lunch...

We ate at Ruby Tuesday's and after looking at the menu, well, I was stymied. Nothing there looked like anything but delicious goal sabotage. I mean, I've got 12 pounds to lose by March 20th! Focus, man, focus! Rather than agonize over it I headed for the salad bar which was, admittedly, kind of a dull thing to do. My wife and friends chose other items. I had my salad with a side of mild regret.

A few days later one of the friends sent me an article which will make the next outing a tastier. There are choices out there- even for the calorie-conscious. I could have had the Creole Catch and stayed on target. Hey, next time I might even pick up the check.

As I ran through the steady rain from my house to the gym this morning thoughts entered my mind in matched cadence.

Did-I-make-it?-One-
hundred-pounds.-That's-
a-lot-of-weight.-I-
wonder-what-a-hundred-
pounds-of-pizza-looks-
like.-Or-a-hundred-pounds-
of-hundred-dollar-bills.-
Was-that-last-squish-dog-
poop? And on and on.

I know! I drive myself nuts with that kind of thing. Anyway, it was raining and it was cold and dark and I was running along the quarter-mile or so it is between my house and the gym and I got to thinking (yes, still in cadence) about stepping on the scale and thus eliminating all the anticipation I had built up over whether I had lost or gained weight over the last day- not because of any significance I had placed on the 100 lb. mark but because I feel that anticipation EVERY day. I've come to realize that the opportunity to fiddle with that scale motivates me.

It wasn't always the case (big surprise there, huh?). I used to avoid the cursed thing and curse at it when I stepped on it. It was a fickle bitch; sometimes rewarding me by showing a little less on the dial; sometimes chiding me- or just flat pissing me off with some extra digits. It would upset me, make me mad, blow me kisses. It could control my mood for the entire day.

Not anymore.

Why? What changed?

I decided after the first month or so that the scale just measures what's placed on it. There is no guile or feeling expressed in what it reports whatsoever. It just reports. I'm the one that steps on the pad. I'm the one that makes its' pointer move. Me. I control it. I'm in charge.

That's the kind of crap that goes through my noggin when there isn't much to look at and the iPod shuffles from The Hives to elevator music. Anyway, I ran on through the rain and darkness (just like most of the sentences in my blog) until I got to the gym- and the rest of this morning's mini-drama.

OK. So I was at the gym, resolute in the knowledge that I controlled the scale- it didn't control me. Still I felt a twinge of anticipation (I think I always will) as I stepped up onto the pad, slid the counterweights into position and began to slide the little marker-weight where I thought it should be...

DENIED!

If I were a number-rounding, horseshoes and hand-grenades kind of guy I would have called it an even 100. Since I'm more the OCD, anal-retentive, do-things-in-threes, wash-your-hands-exactly-twenty-seven-times-per-day-or-something-bad-will-happen kind of guy, I'll call it 99 and look forward to Monday with continued determination.

...and a little twinge of anticipation.